Have you ever been involved in a relationship where you really believed that you could miraculously change the other person? That you could talk some sense into them and they would automatically agree with you and change, and then your life would be so much better?
I thought that for many years and practically wore myself out attempting to change the other person. I went through many relationships where I believed, without a doubt, that I could successfully change the other person into what I wanted them to be. It was a very long and bumpy road to travel having that mindset. As soon as I realized that it was impossible for me to change the other person, I simply moved onto the next thinking that THIS time it will work. I was very ignorant to the fact that attempting to change someone else never works. But I kept insisting, in my mind, that it had to work. I was resistant to reality.
After many years of headache and heartache, I finally began learning that the only person I can possibly change is myself. You cannot change another person. It is a full time job just trying to change your own self, takes a lot of energy and effort. I realized that the only actions, thoughts, behaviors or emotions I was responsible for was my own. Once I realized these facts is as soon as I began attracting emotionally healthy people into my life, people who were not needy like the ones in the past. It is funny how it works that way, change your way of thinking and you change your life.
The chances of changing another person in your life are extremely slim unless the other person so happens to truly want to change. You may be able to be a positive influence on them, but you cannot make them want to change. The truth is, if you are already that much of a positive and emotionally healthy person, chances are you would not be in a relationship with someone like that anyway. When you feel good about yourself and have a healthy outlook you naturally attract the same type of person to you.
After I began taking a deeper look at my own thoughts and patterns in relationships, it started to become more and more clear of why I was attracting these needy people. I was needy myself. I depended on another person to make me happy. I was not taking responsibility for my own thoughts and emotions. I needed to change myself first before I could attract the type of person I desired to be with. I was in the habit of looking at others who were happy in a relationship, who had balanced relationships, and feeling as though it was not fair that I could not have that. I was clueless as to why I could not have that, that it had absolutely nothing to do with luck and everything to do with my thinking. That is just an example of the process of change. I had to be the one to recognize this in myself and make the choice to change, nobody else could force me to see this.
Both people in a relationship have to have a fairly healthy grasp on reality in order to create balance. There has to be more than just physical attraction. They both embrace change in life and each other.
A few of the signs to look for to know if you come across a needy person:
They demand all your time, disregarding your responsibilities and obligations
They want constant reassurance that you care about them
They display jealous behaviors
They interrupt you when you are talking
They use guilt to get you to do what they want you to do
They use the old "if you loved me you would do this" routine
They play the victim role, always blaming others for their problems
If you notice any of those signs, it might be a good idea to go the other way before you get too involved. I have been there so many times. I sometimes wonder what took me so long to wake up and see the light. Each time, I continued to believe that it was them who I needed to change and not myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment